Brandon’s birthday was the other day and neither one of us wanted to gorge out on birthday cake, but believe me, that does happen every once in a while. So I decided to challenge myself by making something that was “health-bent” and still better than edible. Gotta say, I’m tootin’ my own horn with this one. No almond flour is involved. All the ingredients are pretty dang cheap. Hope ya’ll can find a special occasion to show off this show stopper.

On a side note: Yes I’m using sugar. Yes I’m using dairy products. But hopefully you all understand this is a special occasion treat and we use sugar very sparingly. Also, dairy is something that is quite controversial in the Paleo world. We source raw (unpasteurized, non-homogenized ) and grass fed dairy products–and that’s the only way we’ll eat them.

Okay, I’m going to start right out by saying these suckers have the same carbohydrate load as a regular corn chip set of nachos. We just had a hankering for a cheat night, but really didn’t want to ingest corn, wheat or other cereal grains. We are so embarrassingly barbaric with these, we lay down oven mitts on our coffee table, place the hot pan on top and sit on the floor and scarf them down with a fork. Let me also say, the salsa recipe is ‘da bomb dot com’, it’s cheaper to make this than to go out and buy a jar.

Do these taste like what your mama used to make? No. Are they soft and chewy or thin and crispy? Nope. Are they delicious, cheap and easy to make? Abso-freakin-lutely. They’re not cookies, but cookie-like, so we’re gonna go with “bakies.” This is pretty much the cheapest and quickest way to make a Paleo cookie–I mean bakie. Why? It’s a throw together recipe with very small quantities of the expensive stuff (almond flour, almond butter) and no eggs. Maybe your eggs aren’t expensive, but my eggs, straight from the farm, are $3.50/dozen; I really hate recipes that call for like 5 eggs at a time. Now that I think about it, these are actually…Vegan, cringe.

Who doesn’t like Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds? Maybe you haven’t read the nutrition label, maybe you have. Let me inform you these babies are sweetened with sucralose–the ambiguous name for Splenda. Like we posted on Crash Course on Sugar, Splenda is a calorie-free sweetener BECAUSE we cannot digest it–read diarrhea and the likes. So yes, we’ve added sugar to this recipe. But please understand these are not overwhelmingly sweet, in fact, I think the sweetness is quite subtle and find the cocoa “crust” on the outside of the almonds to be the most addictive part of this snack—not the sweetness. Also–this is a great recipe for your kiddies to help out with!

Ingredients

• 2 c raw almonds
• 1 egg white
• 1/4 c water
• 1 t vanilla extract
• 1/2 c cocoa powder
• 1/2 c powdered sugar

Method

Preheat your oven to 350ºF.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the egg white, vanilla extract and water.

In a zip-top bag, add the powdered sugar and cocoa powder. Seal the bag and shake it around to get everything incorporated.

Add 1 cup of almonds to the egg whites and use a slotted spoon or fork (or nature’s fork–your hands ) to coat all the almonds. Then using your “fork” put all the almonds in the cocoa/sugar zip-top bag. Seal it well and shake it around to coat all the almonds.

Place the almonds on a baking sheet and repeat the steps above with the other cup of almonds. Don’t worry if you get the cocoa powder on the baking sheet–it won’t do any harm.

Bake for about 20 minutes.

If you’d like them a bit sweeter, you can add the cooled, roasted almonds to a zip-top bag along with a few tablespoons of powdered sugar and toss them around.

Keep the almonds stored in a zip-top bag.

After tasting these, you couldn’t pay me to eat the real thing. A recent trip to my grand-ma-ma’s had us partaking in a slice of chocolate cake. It had been quite a while since we had eaten anything like this. I really noticed my taste buds perceiving sweet differently. I had an epiphany, I do not like “conventional” desserts anymore. They’re cloyingly sweet and quite tasteless. The lack of quality and flavor is hidden by a mass of sugar, I suppose. And no, my grandma didn’t make this cake, so I’m totally allowed to diss it!

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 c 70% (or higher) dark chocolate
• 1/2 c coconut oil
• 1 T sugar
• 1/4 c finely shredded, unsweetened coconut (also called dessicated)
• 1 t coconut extract
• 25 almonds, toasted

Method

(Relatively Labor Intensive but Insanely Cute Method)

Place the chocolate in a bowl in the microwave for 30 second increments, stirring between each time. It should only take 2 cycles to get the chocolate melted.

Line a mini-cupcake pan with paper liners. Using a spoon, drop about 1 tablespoon worth of chocolate on the bottom of the liner and swirl it around with the spoon, making sure the chocolate gets on the sides of the liner! Place in the fridge to harden, about 5 minutes.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, add the coconut oil, sugar, dessicated coconut and coconut extract. Mix until smooth, about 2 minutes. Using a clean spoon, drop about 1 tablespoon worth of the mixture into the center of the hardened chocolate. Place in the fridge to harden, about 10 minutes.

Top each candy with the rest of the chocolate. Use your finger to smooth it, if ya gotta! Top with a cooled, toasted almond and stick the pan in the fridge to harden.

These brownies are seriously dangerous. They’re too good. I swear, neither one of us could tell the difference between these and “conventional” brownies–except for the fact these don’t make you feel like poo after you eat them. I made 2 batches in two days and….they’re all gone. Oops.

Besides the fact that these are completely gluten free; you could leave out the sugar in the brownies and be almost 100% Paleo. Try and find chocolate chips with the highest percentage of cocoa. The higher the percentage the less sugar in the chocolate. If you can’t find a good quality chocolate chip, you could always chop up a chocolate bar instead.

Ingredients

• 1 c almond butter
• 1/2 c canned coconut milk
• 2 eggs
• 2 t vanilla extract
• 1/4 t salt
• 1/3 c cocoa powder
• 1/4 c sugar (optional)
• 1/3 c chocolate chips (use the highest % cocoa you can find)
• 1/3 c chopped nuts

Method

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease an 8 x 8 baking dish.

In a bowl whisk together the almond butter, coconut milk, eggs, vanilla extract and salt. Then add the cocoa powder, sugar,  and chocolate chips.

Pour into the prepared baking dish and top with chopped nuts.

Bake for approx. 18 minutes.

All I’ve done here is take Easiest Ice Cream ever and added ONE more ingredient. The variations are endless!

Ingredients

• 3 bananas
• 1/2 c coconut milk
• 1/2 c frozen pineapple chunks

Method

Do this, but add the pineapple also. Add some macadamia nuts to the top (or whatever you fancy). Easy-peasy, right?

Rich, thick and easy. Good luck not eating all of this in one sitting!

Ingredients

• 2 c coconut milk*
• 1/2 c cocoa powder
• 1 t vanilla extract
• 1 t instant coffee powder
• 1/4 t salt
• 6 egg yolks
• 1/4 c sugar

Method

Over medium high heat, whisk together the coconut milk, salt and cocoa powder in a sauce pan. In a bowl whisk together the egg yolks and sugar. Once the coconut milk mixture has come to a simmer, slowly whisk in the egg yolk mixture. Turn the heat down to medium. Constantly whisk until the pudding has thickened. This will take about 3 minutes.

Pour the pudding through a fine mesh sieve into a bowl. This removes any egg chunkies that may have coagulated in the pudding.

Press plastic wrap directly onto the surface of the pudding  (a “skin” will form on the top of the pudding if yo don’t do it!) and place in the fridge. The pudding will thicken as it cools.

{*You could use the carton variety of vanilla coconut milk and omit the sugar. }

A 3 ingredient ice cream. You won’t know what hit ya! Anyone can make this and it’s a pretty darn good (and cheap!) switch-a-roo for store bought coconut ice cream or the likes.

Ingredients

• 3 bananas*
• 1/2 c coconut milk
• 1 t vanilla extract

Method

Remove the peels from the bananas and discard. Place the bananas in plastic wrap and stick in the freezer for at least 5 hours. Once they’re hard all the way through, you’re ready to start making the “ice cream.”

Take out your food processor and toss in the frozen bananas, coconut milk and vanilla extract. Blend until everything is smooth. Done!

Either eat immediately or stick it in a covered dish and freeze it. Take the ice cream out of the freezer about 20 minutes before you’re ready to eat. It can get pretty hard in the freezer.

{*Make sure the bananas have lots of brown spots on them. Too green and you can taste it. It’s gross. }